Sunday, September 07, 2008

KFC's animal abuse problem


I know this sounds like a whiny liberal post, but you ought to know me better than that by now. There has to be more to it than that. So bear with me to the end, I promise it will be worth it.

I've been having a little trouble relating to my teenage daughter lately. Let's call her Renee for her own privacy. So, while I stick to my guns on the key principles, I'm also trying to interject random acts of kindness into the relationship to keep it on an even keel. Earlier today, I asked her if she wanted to watch the football game, but she said she hates football, and even though there was only a few minutes left she didn't want to watch it. But while I was watching it, I saw a KFC commercial, and it made me hungry for chicken. Still, even when watching the video I had a little twinge of memory of the KFC cruelty video, which like you I was tricked into watching because of Pamela Anderson. Being a somewhat cynical old bastard, I was able to suppress this memory and carry on with my craving.

So when my daughter came into the kitchen after the four minutes of game had finished, I asked, "Are you still hungry?" even though I knew she had just eaten; I think she was just rummaging around like people do in kitchens. My son and his girlfriend Millie were also there, so I felt safe from some kind of random conflict breaking out, so I said, "Do you want to go to KFC?" Immediately she said, "Yeah! But, I mean, not KFC, because Millie won't go there."

Millie felt she had to explain and talked about the video. I said something lame like "Mmmmm, torture," but then realized this is just the sort of lame joke that my daughter is always getting on me about, and backtracked before anyone could say anything. I said, "I mean, no I saw that video, that was pretty senseless violence."

Millie said, "Oh, I thought you were being all sarcastic like my dad always is, 'I like the taste of torture.' So annoying." I said that of course I would only do that to Renee, and in any event at the end I was being serious and would certainly support the boycott of KFC and go somewhere else for chicken. I was happy to support the burgeoning political awareness in the young folk, especially given my own changing political views. Mind you Millie is no knee-jerk vegan liberal type; she makes fun of the vegans along with me, because she's in culinary classes and vegans are kind of a pain in the cook's butt, if nothing else. So, we settled on Church's, which is a chain of chicken stores that I think is only in the south.

Anyway, my daughter came along for the ride and we had a kind of temporary truce as she was willing to help pick out what we got and whatnot. To summarize so you understand KFC's problem, I saw one of their ads, but chose to eat at a competitor because of the egregiousness of the cruelty documented in the video. Anyway, on the way back from the store one of my daughter's friends texted her to see if she wanted to come over, and so she asked me nicely to drop her off and save her some chicken for later, and again I obliged in an attempt to build bridges of trust.

When I got back to the house with just the bag of chicken and no Renee, I pulled out a tub of mashed potatoes and said to my son and his girlfriend, "Talk about cruelty. They made me drop Renee in the hopper and this is what came out. Brains anyone?"

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